A Sleepless Night Filled with Dreams
by Magi Nova
Summary: Crackpairing; oneshot. BossXSnoozer; Boss's POV. Set after the series. Somewhat meandering and unfocused. Slightly OoC. R&R, but no flames, please. It's strange, I know, but I like it nonetheless. Rated T for minor language.


_A horribly pointless, meandering rant in Boss's POV. Could be a letter, could just be a train of thought...take it as you find it, I don't mind. Contains crackpairing yaoi, so if you don't like either of those, do us both a favour and go read something else. Flamers, go do something constructive with your rage, or dump it on someone else, I don't really care; just don't waste your breath here, mkay?_

_Bleh, I really shouldn't write after 2am...it's like, instant ADHD. Just add perversion. Ohohoho._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Hamtaro series, nor its characters. I merely claim rights to a horribly crackpairing-obsessed mind._

* * *

I didn't want to come home to a roaring fireplace. I didn't want to come home to a warm meal, or a soft bed. I could come home to an empty tunnel as far as I cared, so long as I was coming home to you.

..Was that so much to ask?

I thought you were the one constant of my life. The one thing I could always expect to be there for me, no matter what else passed me by.

The way you vanished...it broke me like nothing else could.

Sure, it never seemed like you meant that much to me. I couldn't really be blamed...you just showed up in my house one day, snoozing on my kitchen table without a care in the world. I wanted you out at first...there was no way I was letting some homeless kid just drift in and make my table his bed.

But you know...before that thought even entered my mind...I was focused on just how freakin' cute you looked. I mean, come on, it was like an angel-ham had crashed through my roof and passed out on my kitchen table...yeah, it was weird, but in a way, it made me happy. At least, it was worth a laugh...but as time passed on, you became more to me than just a source of amusement.

I dunno...maybe it's because we're somewhat alike. As far as I could tell, you didn't have anyone to take care of you. You were a loner, like me...but then again, the similarities pretty much ended there. You were young and serene, I was...and still am, old and bitter. You slept your life away, and I was obsessed with keeping in shape, despite what my pot belly probably suggested.

But the main thing, the main attraction, you could say...was that we both had no-one to look after us. When we came together, I did my best to look after you...and you, in your own weird way, looked after me and kept me in check.

I got used to living with you pretty quickly. In fact, though at the time I wouldn't admit it...having someone living with me, it was...nice. It made me happy, happier than I'd admit even to myself. I mean, sure, you were no Bijou, but still...you were someone.

Someone I grew to like a little too much.

Hey, don't judge me. I know I sound like a creepy old guy who developed a crush on a little kid. But y'know, I'm not really as old as I look...and I can tell you're not so young yourself. Not with the wisdom you come up with. Sure, you've got that perennial young face...that's probably why you sleep all the time..heh, you could be as old as Elder-Ham, and still look like a baby with all that sleepin' you do...ugh, here I go, off on a tangent as usual.

But...it's not like I have anyone other than myself to talk to, now you're gone. Not that you ever replied to me before...you just snoozed away, and yet, somehow I knew that you were always listening. Listening, like nobody else would. And I got to the point of listening to you, too...maybe a bit too much. I could sit for hours on end listening to your soft, baby-ish snores, and hang on to every word you mumbled in your sleep. It wouldn't hit me how pathetic I was being until I was half-asleep myself. And by then, I just didn't give a damn.

I managed to convince myself that it wasn't love I felt. I mean, it was just...out of the question. Really. How could I love SNOOZER? I loved Bijou! Beautiful little Bijou, jewel of the Ham-Hams...yes, she was my love.

...She was, right?

Then why did my mind keep wandering back to you, and my ears keep aching for your soft voice?

Why do I keep longing for you??

...You didn't even warn anyone that you were going...you left just like you came; one day, you were just...gone. And that was all there is to it. Of course everyone made a big deal out of it, too...that kid, Hamtaro, insisted we all go on a search and rescue mission. It took a lot of convincing to get him to believe that you had just, shall we say, gone on your way.

..It's not fair. How come Hamtaro got to cry, while I had to hold everything in and pretend I was glad you were gone?

At least I get to shed tears I'd never admit the existence of now, when I'm alone...yeah, all alone, because you ain't here. Nobody is, it's just me. Here without you...here without anyone. As usual.

Y'know what, once upon a time, I liked it like that...a long time ago, when I didn't have you constantly in my mind. Yes...that seems like it was a very long time ago. Another life, even. Who knows.

And I guess this is a start of a new chapter for me, too...just like how it was before you came along, only this time, I'm too painfully aware of what loneliness really is. I guess you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, huh?

..Heh, sounds like something you'd say. Cats, I'm going mad, if I'm starting to spout phrases you usually would...

..I miss you, Snoozer. I really do. Come back and visit sometime.

I'll let you sleep on that damn table you like so much. Heck, I'll even steal a new sock for ya. Just..show your face around here once in a while, alright?

'Cus I miss you too damn much, and missing people really isn't my forte. It screws with my head.

Ah, bugger it...I guess wherever you are, you're probably better off without me hanging around, setting you a million and one bad examples. Just...make sure you keep your chin up, kid. I know you love your sleep...but dreams can only do so much for people like you and me.

Maybe one day I'll see you again. Yeah, I'll make sure I do...even if it means I have to wait for the pearly gates of ham-heaven to find you.

Just make sure you keep yourself in one piece until I get ahold of ya.

Or I'll probably do something I'll regret.

Seeya 'round, kid...I'll be thinking of ya. And maybe, just maybe, one day you'll dream about the Ham-Ham clubhouse, and remember me too.

Arigatou, Snoozer, and farewell.

* * *

_Well, that's it. Hopefully it didn't melt your mind too severely._

_I'm thinking of making this into a multi-chapter, each chapter being a crackpairing. Then again, knowing me, I'll never get around to it...especially since I'm going to avoid eating so much sugar ever again. clutches at stomach_

_If I do, though, expect a lot of Panda. He is made of fluffiness and win._

_Thanks for reading!  
-Magi Nova_


End file.
